Coaching, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
How to move people when logic isn’t enough

David leads a large group in an organization that has over 80,000 people. They’ve been  getting hammered in the news for months now, trying to recover from mistakes made by the then-CEO five years ago.  Unfortunately, they’ve just had to announce layoffs.  There’s a tremendous amount of unsettling re-organization and re-shuffling going on. Where people will land is up in the air.  The future of the organization is uncertain and morale is at an all-time low.

David’s group is the only inspired group in the whole organization. They’re engaged, focused, forward-looking. And helping the new CEO turn the whole organization around. That wasn’t always true.

They’re inspired not because conditions are better for them, but because David changed the story he was telling them.

When David first came for Beyond Persuasion, his attempts to “inspire” his team were falling flat. He was saying all the right things: the new vision, the plan, the priorities, the outcomes, the call to action. All good, but none of it was working.

Coaching, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
How to become a fearless presenter

Most people begin presentations unsure how the audience will react. It’s the not-knowing that undermines self-confidence. They look for the first response to regain their footing. And when the reaction isn’t what they expected, confidence drops again.

Prediction vanquishes fear, even when the starting point looks dismal. You’re not needing. You’re not guessing. You’re not hoping or wishing. You’re able to predict. With certainty. Prediction becomes possible when …

Coaching, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
Communication Doesn’t Transmit Reality. It ...

Most leaders assume communication transmits reality, that if the words are clear enough, they will see it.

But communication doesn’t transmit reality. It creates it.

That’s a subtle but seismic shift.

And that means every time you speak, especially at a senior level, you are not just sharing ideas. You are shaping how reality is experienced in the room.

Coaching, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
The 10 rules of “Audience Logic”

Most people don’t know how to create instant acceptance. It’s rare to see someone who does. When the stakes are high, most think they’re being “logical” when they’re actually relying on a kind of logic that generates too many words. They talk a lot, present too much detail and explanation, believing it’s essential to creating understanding and agreement. Audiences don’t work like that.

Especially at the executive and senior levels. They have their own logic.

To be successful you have to master a different logic. Audience Logic. Audience Logic decides the outcome.

Here are the rules of Audience Logic (especially senior level audiences):

Coaching, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
How to win the audience before you say a word

Laura: “You weren’t watching me!”

Me: “No, I could hear you. I knew what you were doing. I was watching the audience to see what change you produced in them.”

Laura had asked me to be there when she presented at an industry conference with hundreds of potential customers. The revenue potential was enormous if she was successful with her presentation. I spent several days coaching her to get her messaging, and the way she delivered it, just right.

The big day came. I was watching the audience like a hawk. I wanted to see the audience reactions from the moment she said “Hello”, all the way through exactly how they looked as she walked off the stage. Were they looking at her with admiration as they applauded? Or shuffling around and checking their phones?

I started watching the audience before Laura even walked on. They were on their phones or talking to the person next to them.  Laura entered the room. I could feel something change in the room as they watched her walk. It was the way she was walking. They could see she carried herself differently.

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Why "trendy terminology" destroys communication

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I was watching a video of a live presentation by Mark, the CEO of a major corporation with more than 40,000 employees.  Mark was visibly and painfully uncomfortable.  Worse yet, he was making a fool of himself.

Mark had heard about me and reached out with a request that I coach him on his presentation skills.  He had his Chief of Staff send me a couple of his recent videos to watch in advance “to see what he’s doing wrong”. 

Mark knew something was clearly wrong.  In our initial conversation, Mark told me, “The more feedback I get, the worse I’m getting.  I need someone to straighten this out for me.  I may not be the best public speaker in the world, but there’s no reason I need to be the worst.”

I started our first coaching session wanting to understand what was going on in his mind. I asked Mark, “What were you trying to do up there?”

Mark answered, “I’ve been given feedback that as a CEO I need to be vulnerable, and that I also need to be more passionate. That’s what I was trying to do.” 

I asked, “What does that mean?  Vulnerable and passionate?”

Mark looked at me, and with great pain in his eyes said, “I have no idea.”

Well, there you go.  Mark was trying really hard to execute something that was completely incomprehensible and confusing.

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A "thank you" to these rock stars of corporate America

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Executive:

“Regarding that conference in Miami next week, I changed my mind and decided to go after all.  I want to stay in that fabulous hotel everyone talks about.  I know I’m booking that hotel at the last minute and I know the hotel is completely sold out and has been for weeks, but I need you to get me a suite there with a king-sized bed, with an ocean view and make sure it’s far from the elevators and above the seventh floor.”

Executive Assistant (60 minutes later):

“You’re all booked.  Room 1050.  Refrigerator will be stocked with all your favorites. And I let them know you’ll be checking in late and to hold the room no matter what.”

My article today is a tribute to my heroes in the corporate world: Administrative Professionals, also known as Administrative Assistants and, at the higher levels, Executive Assistants.  It’s especially appropriate today, because today is Administrative Professionals Day.

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Activating your power to inspire

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Alan has been giving “All-Hands” presentations to the 1500 people that report to him. His organization has over 80,000 people. They’re currently getting hammered in the news. The company has been struggling, trying to recover from mistakes made by the then-CEO five years ago.  Unfortunately, they’ve just had to announce layoffs.  There’s a tremendous amount of re-organization and re-shuffling happening. Where people will land is up in the air.  The future of the organization is uncertain and morale is at an all-time low.

Alan’s group has been the only one that’s been inspired. Why are they inspired? In the midst of all this, there is one reason only:  Alan is inspiring them.

This wasn’t always the case.

When Alan came to me for coaching, his desperate “pep talks” had been falling flat.  Alan said, “If I don’t inspire them, I’ve lost them. I need them inspired, aligned, engaged, and enthusiastic. I know it’s impossible, but I need them to stop listening to the news, to tune out what’s happening in the rest of the organization and focus on what we need to be doing.  I haven’t been able to get them to see it, but I know we can make a difference.”

That’s a difficult assignment when the only conversation in the halls is the latest trash in the news, who got laid off, who’s afraid of getting laid off, how all the “good people” are leaving, the shattered trust in management and loss of faith in the vision.

Alan wanted to be MORE than just understood.  That wasn’t enough.  He wanted to inspire. Many people who come to me for coaching want that.

It’s an important ability for a leader to have, at any time.

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How to create transformation without having to speak

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“I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate our conversations. It’s an honor to work for you.”

This is what Ann told Patrick after their third conversation. It might seem like a natural thing to say to a very good manager. But let me fill you in on the actual context.

Patrick is a Vice President. Ann was a Senior Director reporting to him and she wasn’t cutting it.  Ann had been promoted prematurely, wasn’t qualified and was falling short on key projects.

Patrick would never have put Ann in her role, would never have promoted her to a senior level. Patrick had inherited Ann from previous VPs and others who continuously promoted Ann, despite the fact that her results were always sketchy at best.  She had never been held accountable.  Now it was Patrick’s problem as he took over as her new VP.

After his initial assessment, Patrick’s three conversations with Ann were intense. The first was when he told her he was demoting her from Senior Director to “Individual Contributor”.

“Individual Contributor” is a nice term that is used to mean no one reports to you.

Patrick told me, “I walked in to our first conversation prepared. I knew it was going to be a tough conversation and I walked in ready for it.”

It would have been very different even one month ago.  Patrick would have confronted Ann with the blunt facts of the situation, very directly, a very “no nonsense” approach, a very “deal with it and let’s move on” kind of attitude.  And Patrick would have gotten a very different reaction and a very different employee.

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The magic of trading in small problems for big problems

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Susan was sent to me by her boss. She is a very competent Senior Director and they want to prepare her to become a Vice President.

The Senior Vice President told me that what is holding Susan back is that, “She doesn’t have enough executive presence and she doesn’t come across like a leader. She is very confident in what she does, but she doesn’t have that leadership quality and that executive presence needed at the senior level.”

It turns out Susan was terrified of communication. Especially with her peers, the other Senior Directors, who intimidated her. Even worse with people higher up. When she faced an upcoming meeting, Susan was stressed solid the whole week leading up to it and did not sleep at all the night before.

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How to defuse arguments before they even begin

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It was a pleasant afternoon and I had a pleasant book….

I was sitting with an exquisite cup of white tea in a beautiful local tea shop. They serve delicious teas made from leaves growing on ancient trees, picked by hand in the Spring and then lovingly hand-processed on very small family farms in very remote regions of China. 

My environment was perfect.

At the table next to me sat a couple.

The man was in quite a pleasant mood. He was telling the woman about something that had happened that morning. He was enjoying talking with her and enjoying the telling. He finished and smiled at her.

The woman spoke: “Why didn’t you ask her? I would have thought that would have been the first thing you would have asked her.”

The woman’s question seemed polite, but her tone of voice had a slight edge, an unspoken quality of “I’m trying hard to be very polite, but I really don’t get how you could have done something so wrong.”

 I’m sure she was completely unaware of her tone. Most people are.

I picked up my book and pretended to read because I knew where this conversation was going. I didn’t even know what they were talking about, but I knew they were headed for a fight.

Can you see how the question itself makes him wrong?  I knew he was going to defend what he did.  In other words, he was going to get “defensive”.

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How to be the authority, even if the CEO is in the room

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Sam was about to enter the room to give his 3rd quarterly presentation to the Board of Directors of a $50 billion multinational corporation.

The presenter before him had 45 minutes and came in with 79 slides. No surprise, they ran over their time.  By the time Sam walked in they said, “Hurry up, come on in, we’re running late, let’s get started.”

Sam walked in thinking he’d find the same room he’d experienced in his two previous Board meeting presentations.  He was completely unprepared to find four times as many people in the room.

The person ushering Sam in was trying to move him to his seat very quickly. Sam started to ask a question, someone cut him off and said, “Let’s just get started, we’re running late.”

Sam felt off kilter, but started anyway, rushing, going a little too fast, talking too much, trying to get it all in, looking around, trying to find faces he knew to connect with in the crowd, feeling totally off.

A CEO of a major corporation, new on the Board, interrupted Sam and said, “I want to challenge one of the points you just made.” and asked Sam a somewhat hostile question.  Sam knew the answer, but he stumbled and was awkward. The CEO said, “That’s not a good enough answer, I need more specifics.”  Sam recovered somewhat and answered with more specifics. The CEO didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look satisfied either.

A week later Sam showed up for Executive Coaching with me and asked, “How should I have handled this? It was dreadful!”

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Your power to create deep human connection

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Sally: “I can’t!”

Kevin: “It’s really hard!”

Mark: “I feel totally uncomfortable doing it.”

Mary: “I’m afraid people are going to think I’m weird.”

Phillip: “I don’t want to make people uncomfortable.”

I’m only giving you five examples, but I have hundreds, and probably 30 from just this week alone.

What terrible thing have I asked these people to do?

Lately, I’ve been coaching a lot of executives, leaders and people in leadership development programs. These are competent, capable, strong, courageous professionals with proven track records.

And they struggle with this.

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The secret to creating an aura of success

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Kendra was giving a sales presentation to VIP prospects. She was explaining why her company would outperform the competition and why they were a better choice as a partner, even though they were newer and not as well-known. The message was powerful. She was saying things like, “We’re best at … We have the highest record of … No one can match our…”

Her words were well crafted and she was beautifully dressed. But her overall body language was unmistakably expressing a suppressed anxiety, a “I hope you believe me, I hope this works. Are you getting what I’m saying? Do you believe me?”  It was a bit tense, with a very slight nervousness.

The prospects were sitting there listening, no expressions on their faces. Kendra became progressively deflated as she went along, and then ended weakly with, “Well that about sums it up. Those are all of our strengths as a partner and we hope to do business with you.  Let me know if you have any questions.”

They chose the competitor.

When Kendra showed up for the Transforming Your Presentation Skills workshop, she explained to me that her company actually IS the best in the industry and why. It was clear she has a compelling story, and I mean really compelling.

Her delivery, on the other hand, inspired sympathy, not success.

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The day I helped an engineer perform a miracle

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I was part of the audience watching Louis present. The audience was listening, but unmoved. Louis could feel that and was suffering.

Until recently, his career had been focused on the engineering technology that was the core of his company’s success in the high-tech industry. He had now been promoted two levels up and his presentations were no longer to other engineers. They were now business presentations, not technical presentations. All the details that had made Louis an expert within the engineering community were uninteresting to his new audience of executives. Louis felt like a fish out of water. The senior executives he was presenting to looked and felt like a panel of cold, unresponsive strangers.

Louis had two goals when he began the Transforming Your Presentation Skills workshop, two skills he wanted to learn: how to keep his audience engaged and how to be persuasive. Louis felt both were impossible for him to ever achieve.

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You had me BEFORE “Hello”

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We've all heard the expression, “You had me at ‘Hello’.”  That sounds pretty good.  But when it comes to giving presentations, for a real winner that's way too late.  The really GREAT communicators will have you before they say “Hello”.

You see them standing there and, well BEFORE they ever say anything, you can SEE there's something different about them. 

Their poise, their dignity, their self-assuredness, their utter calm, make them stand out.

They don’t look like “normal” people.  They have presence.  They own the room.

It takes you in the audience only a split second to see all that.  Enough that you're intrigued, captivated, leaning forward a little to catch their words.

They have you well before, “Hello.”

This is the hallmark of a great communicator.

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“They” want me to…

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Jennifer: “They’re only giving me two minutes in front of senior leadership to present this big idea! TWO minutes! I need your help! How do you present this in two minutes?”

Me: “Let’s take a step back. What do you really need?”

Jennifer: “I need 20 minutes!”

Me: “Good.  Why don’t we work on how to successfully communicate so that you get the 20 minutes?”

Jennifer: “Oh my gosh, could I do that?  That’s what I really want!”

Brad: “I’ve been waiting for this promotion for so long and I went to talk to my boss about it and he wants to give me a stretch assignment that has nothing to do with where my career is headed. I feel like I’m going backwards and being seriously delayed. And I’m going to be heading up a team that’s dysfunctional!  How do I convince them to get this project done, and do it fast so I can get this stretch assignment over and get back on track?”

Me: “How about if we develop the skills you need to get your boss to see that there’s a better idea than the stretch assignment and that is to promote you to vice president?”

Brad: “Oh, wow! Could we do that? That’s what I really want!”

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times, in my coaching sessions, I help a person achieve, NOT the goal they initially state, but the real goal they actually have.

Moral of the story: To be truly causative you need to make sure you are working on the goal you want to achieve, not a goal someone has given you. 

This is how people sacrifice their integrity and their basic purpose, bit by bit, until they are running under someone else’s control.  It never goes well.

These are tricky situations that take a lot of skill. Getting others to agree with you.  Getting others to change direction.  Getting others enthusiastic about cooperating with you.

People think that when they rise to positions of authority, they’ll have more control. The opposite is true:  When you have more control, you will rise to a position of authority.

You don’t need authority.  You need skills. 

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How to speak with your eyes…

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Do you have a favorite photo of you? 

If you’re like most people, you have many photos of you that you’re not crazy about, and only a small handful you like. 

That photo of you that you really like captures for forever something wonderful about you.  It’s the one photo of you that makes even you smile.  You know the one I mean.

A really good photographer knows how to bring that out in you.  That’s what I do while coaching people.  I help bring something amazing out of each of them.  My genius is in knowing how.  In this article, I want to help you see WHY you like that photo of you and why you hate the others.  And how to bring that amazing quality out of yourself and loving how you look, especially when you’re giving presentations.

I’m going to use Alessandro as an example.  Alessandro is a senior executive I coached this week, helping him prepare for a presentation he’ll be making for an audience of thousands. 

As a high level executive and technical leader, Alessandro has a unique 40,000-foot view of the industry and the future of the industry.  He’s super smart and he’s innovative.  None of this come across. 

Alessandro comes across “corporate” and dry.  Disappointingly uninspiring.  After 3 minutes, you’ll wish it was over.

How do you bring out the charisma of someone like this?

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The alternative to being confrontational

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Anita and Kevin made everyone in the meeting uncomfortable. Their disputes were legendary.  As the heads of different departments, they stubbornly fought for what they believed were conflicting priorities. They argued even the smallest points. Neither one would give in an inch.

Attending a meeting with them was torture.

Anita’s boss finally told her it was affecting her career. Although she was a top performer, her confrontational approach was forever going to stop her from getting promoted to Senior Director and then VP, her passionate objective.

It didn’t matter how “right” Anita was, or the fact that she “won” every argument and was ultimately proven right, people flinched when she was in the room.

Anita couldn’t believe they wouldn’t promote her!  “How can they justify holding me back when my performance is outstanding?!!!!  I’m only doing what they told me to get done!!!!”

That’s how Anita found herself in front of me.  A strong, smart woman in a super dilemma. What should she do when she was right, the other person was wrong and they wouldn’t back down?

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Living the magical life of an expert communicator

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Jesse is used to doing the impossible. He just applied for a position that everyone told him he couldn’t get.  He’s been told many times that “usually” people need to “prove” themselves for several years before they’re considered for these higher levels. 

 Jesse long ago decided that “usually” was not for him.

 He applied for the position … and got it.  Right away too, I might add.

 Jesse has gotten every position he’s applied for in the last 5 years, and there have been a good number.  Many more than “usual”.  His career is on the fast track.

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The solution to thinking under pressure

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I have a client in my life who makes unreasonable requests. I know, you’re thinking, “You’re lucky it’s just one unreasonable person in your life!”  Well, there are more, but this is about a particularly prickly one. 

The requests are always over the top, and sometimes they're impossible.  At a minimum, they're "make-your-team-bend-over-backwards-to-make-this-happen".

I was always caught off guard by his demanding and harsh attitude. I used to try to reason with him, but was always a little off balance.  I never came out of the meeting feeling good. Afterward I was always thinking, "Oh, I should have said ....."

I think it was uncomfortable for him too.

I decided one day, "No more of that!" (I hate feeling like an idiot.) I realized I wasn't giving myself time to think through what he was asking. My immediate reaction was always, "You have got to be kidding!" and I never had time for a second thought before he was demanding an immediate answer.

So, I changed my operating basis.

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The look in your eyes

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The look in your eyes tells me everything I need to know.  Way in advance of it happening, I can tell by the look in your eyes if you are going to win, barely maintain, or lose.

What is it I see?  I see the strength of your intention.  It tells me everything about how it’s going to turn out for you.

Intention is something I teach, so I know a lot about it.  It’s the secret ingredient of all success.

But, intention is not generally well understood.

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The secret to being compelling

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Leo, a newly promoted Vice President in a major corporation, came to me for coaching.  He said, “I want to be compelling.”

I said, “I can help you with that. What’s the message you’re trying to get across?”

Leo said, “Oh! Do you think I need one?”

Leo wanted to be compelling because, well, he wanted to be compelling.  That was it.  He had no real message.

We see too much of this.  All show and no substance.  People who want to be powerful only to get attention. Or status. Or admiration. Or to be told they’re compelling.

Painting your dreams into reality

2022 was an amazing year.  I’ll bet you discovered abilities you didn’t even know you had. These last several years have required your strength, grit, determination, resourcefulness, intelligence, and all the internal resources you could muster.

Well done!

Now we look ahead to 2023.

Starting the first week of January, you’ll pick up your brush and paint the first stroke of color on your blank canvas that will, day by day, turn into the next year of your life.

How do you manifest a beautiful year?

The moments that give life meaning

I’m a first generation immigrant. My parents came from Lithuania, right across the sea from Sweden.

We have a beautiful Christmas Eve tradition I think you’ll enjoy hearing about.  It creates a very special moment.

Each person at the dinner table receives a large wafer of unleavened bread and we have communion.

You might have heard of “Holy Communion”, which is different.  That’s when a Priest blesses the wafer and gives it special religious significance.

This Christmas Eve tradition of communion is not religious. If you look the word communion up in the dictionary, without the word “Holy” in front of it, it means:

The sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.

 You can see it’s something special.

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