Everything begins with awareness. When you are not fully aware of them, you lose sight of the person in front of you. An invisible wall forms, you unknowingly start talking at them, and your words can’t quite reach them. But when you become fully aware of them, truly present with them, the wall dissolves. You don’t have to try. Connection happens on its own. You start talking to them. Your communication flows naturally, it becomes effortless, and you reach them.
You weren’t made to be ordinary
Ben didn’t want to just “improve” his communication skills. He wanted to stand out.
When he gave a presentation at a conference, he didn’t only want applause. He wanted people talking about it in the hall afterwards and telling everyone when they got back home.
When he met with his boss, Ben didn’t just want “a good meeting”. He wanted his boss fully engaged and talking to his boss about it, and that boss telling it all to his boss.
When he met with his team, he didn’t just want to “go through the agenda.” He wanted a team spirit that lifted everyone higher.
He wanted peers who respected him and sought out his opinions. He wanted customers with long-term, enthusiastic loyalty.
He wanted people’s faces to light up when he walked into a room.
Ben was done with ordinary. He wanted extraordinary.
Human Connection in the World of AI
I love AI. I use it every day, I can’t believe how much time it saves me. Many of the people we’re coaching and training are not only using it, they’re creating it. They’re the ones designing it, making it all happen, and even shaping the future of AI for all of us. So, how do they feel about it?
This week I wrote about Human Connection in the World of AI. But I did something different. I recorded it as a podcast. Since I’m talking about human connection, it felt right that you should hear it in my voice.
How to transform someone without saying a word
Good listening is composed of attentiveness, strong interest, understanding and a friendly feeling toward the other person.
During coaching they learn how to really listen. Often for the first time. I teach them to confront, to really face that person, to stop thinking, to stop judging and evaluating, to stop formulating their own response, to be there comfortably, to pay attention and simply receive and fully understand what the other person is telling them. And to let the other person finish. To be strongly interested in every word. To really be there all the way through. To make sure the person is satisfied they have told you everything before you respond.
Does that sound easy to you?
When you can’t sleep the night before a big presentation, just remember …
Liam suffered incredible anxiety the days leading up to a talk. The night before was a painful sleepless nightmare. And when he got up in front to face the group, he felt the world close in on him. His mind went blank and his mouth went dry. His hands and his voice were shaking.
Liam tried everything and nothing worked for him.
Liam showed up for the Mastering Virtual Presentations training hoping that he would hear something he hadn’t heard before.
How to transform impossible into extraordinary
Sometimes situations look hopeless. This article is for those. It applies not only to salvaging a sale, but to any situation that looks impossible. The solution is not to withdraw. And it’s definitely not talking more when they aren’t open to hearing. There’s a far more effective solution, often the only one that will work.
Knowing their reaction without having to see their faces
When someone says they need to “see their faces” to know their reaction, it immediately tells me they don’t have sufficient skill to simply cause their intended reaction with their communication, and KNOW they caused it. Without looking.
You have to be pretty good to do that. The best way to build that level of confidence is to build your skills.
This level of ability gives you a superior degree of confidence. It’s a, “I don’t have to look, I KNOW I did it.”
How to make your vision the one that happens
I’m sure you have a wonderful vision – whether it’s about a relationship, a team, your personal life, or your aspirations regarding your work. And left to your own imagination, you can see something extraordinarily wonderful, exactly how it could be. You feel it uplift you when you imagine it unfolding and becoming your ideal.
What happens when your vision meets “reality”? You face a choice. You can either go through life living in other people’s visions, or you can discover how to make your vision happen.
Whose vision becomes reality? That’s what matters.
The recipe for powerful persuasion
“Every time I try to convince them, they get irritated. It’s beginning to look like they don’t even want to hear about it anymore.”
I’ve heard this many times, many people I’ve coached. Sometimes it’s regarding a boss or executive leadership team. Sometimes it’s a person they work with. Sometimes it’s someone who reports to them. Sometimes it’s another team. Or a challenging customer. Sometimes it’s about politics. Sometimes it’s with their teenager at home.
It could be anything, any situation where they’re trying to convince or persuade, to introduce a new idea, to get buy-in or make change happen.
They explain and explain. And then they say, “No matter how I explain it, I still get ‘No’ or ‘We’ll think about it’ or ‘It’s just not a priority right now’. Or worse, they just ignore me.”
When that happens, you feel stopped. Horrible feeling.
What can you do about it?
Real persuasion happens when the person, group or organization wakes up and recognizes the truth of what you're saying, to the point they are moved and inspired to act.
Use this to transform the outcome of any situation
I receive many emails telling me that my weekly articles have helped someone. They say they read them before going into meetings, giving presentations or having difficult conversations. It’s helped them get fabulous jobs, promotions and raises, get standing ovations, negotiate big deals and transform relationships. Many forward and share my articles with others they want to help.
I am truly happy to hear of it because this is why I write – to help you live the extraordinary life of a Causative Communicator.
It takes determination to be a Causative Communicator. It takes dedication. It doesn’t just happen because someone took a course. It’s your dedication after the course. Most of all, it’s keeping the principles fresh in your mind.
With that in my mind, I created a booklet of some of my articles to help you stay true to the Causative Communication principles which will empower you to achieve success in those areas of your life that matter to you.
Crafting the first sentence of a difficult conversation
Leon: “How do you talk to people who don’t want to hear it? When I give them feedback, they immediately get defensive.”
Me: “How do you start the conversation?”
Leon: “I say: I need to give you some feedback.”
Me: “Any other way you start the conversation?”
Leon: “I might say: What we’re doing isn’t working and we need to change. Or I might say: You can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect it to work, that’s insanity. Or I might say: I’ve told you all this 3 times already but nothing’s happened.”
Leon: Sigh. “I’m just so frustrated. They’re just not open to anything.”
Becoming a soft-spoken powerhouse
The problem wasn’t that Ashley was soft-spoken or insufficiently forceful. The problem was that she didn’t have the skill of communicating with intention. Not surprising. Few people do.
When people really want something from another person who isn’t cooperating, they often fall into the trap of being forceful, being louder, trying harder, and even demanding.
They find out the hard way that none of these work. Intention is very different.
The power of unmistakable clarity
People who come to me for coaching or training ask me to teach them how to be “impactful”, “compelling”, “charismatic”, “powerful”, “memorable” … and more.
No one yet has ever come to me and said, “I want to be unmistakably clear”.
And yet that is exactly what they’re missing. Unmistakable clarity.
When what you’re saying is unmistakably true and unmistakably clear, you ARE powerful. You are compelling. You are impactful. You are successful.
The secret to looking amazing
Nick, a young leader, completed Causative Communication and signed up for executive coaching to develop his messaging and presentation skills to high level executives.
I was looking forward to seeing Nick again. He showed up for his first coaching session looking WOW! Nick was looking directly at me with a smile, exuding warmth and charisma. He was captivating.
I said, “Nick, you look amazing! What are you doing?”
Nick said:
Developing executive presence does not happen by accident
Developing executive presence does not happen by accident. Presence delivers your message before you ever speak a word. Most people see the effects of their presence without fully understanding its cause or how to control it.
Developing executive presence does not happen by accident, it is not a power reserved for the few.
Executive presence is engineered.
Great presentations are made of this
Most presenters talk too much. They present too much information of little interest and save their important points for the end of their presentation. You can tell this is happening if the audience is relatively tuned out during the presentation but perks up toward the end. Some audiences never perk up. They just look relieved when it’s over.
Most presenters don’t know how to create a powerful set of Key Messages that land with impact and move their audience. They just throw out excessive details and hope some of them will matter.
Opening the door to a promotion
“She gets very defensive every time I talk to her.”
Vincent was describing Vickie, the Executive Vice President who had just cast the deciding vote to veto Vincent’s promotion to Vice President.
Vincent was complaining about how difficult Vickie was with him. She always disagreed with everything he said. And now he was trying to get her to agree to promote him to VP. Even though his boss, the Senior Vice President, was fighting to make it happen, Vickie wouldn’t budge. It was hopeless.
From his perspective, the problem was …. Vickie.
The senior executive’s biggest win
Everett, a senior level executive, came in with many goals for his Executive Coaching. Everything from wanting to become a rock star when he gives presentations, to mastering persuasion during negotiations, resolving high level conflicts, getting others to do what’s needed and handling tough, sensitive conversations. Everett runs into everything and everyone in the course of his high-powered week.
Everett did get everything he wanted, but Everett’s biggest win was something he never expected. And that was the incredible relationship that unfolded with his three-year-old son.
The secret to a strong leadership presence
He walked in and transformed his team before he even said a word.
The team of 20 was stressed. Agitated. A reorganization had been announced and they didn’t like where it was going. Their tension was palpable, even in the silence as they waited for him.
Evan walked in, stood in front of his team, and calmly looked at each person. A calm moment of simply connecting with each one.
The whole room calmed down.
Seeing beyond the computer screen
I was coaching a small group of women for a “Women in Leadership” program in a high-profile energy company. One of them raised a difficulty about working from home and how much she disliked communicating virtually, how much better it was to be in person, and how you lose the essence of a human connection when you’re looking at a computer screen. She felt she wasn’t communicating as effectively through this technological medium. The experience caused her stress she didn’t experience in person. Others in the group agreed, they felt the same way.
And then I had them make one change that created a complete transformation.