It was Valerie’s first Executive Coaching session of the new year and she was spiritless. She found out the CEO had decided to bypass her for the promotion from VP to Senior VP that she had been counting on. They wanted to bring in someone “fresh and with more experience” from the outside to be her new boss. Ugh!
Valerie got the bad news and then went out on the end of year holiday. It didn’t improve her mood.
“What’s going on?” I asked her.
“It’s hard. It’s hard to come back. It’s hard to look forward to this new year with any optimism. I feel like I’m not being valued. My enthusiasm for what I’m doing is completely drained.”
What was really drained was her ability to communicate effectively. If you look at the above definition of causative, it’s the ability to make what you want happen. And the ONLY way to do that is through the way you communicate.
The only way to persuade is to communicate persuasively. The only way to convince is to communicate convincingly. The only way to shape reality with others is through your communication.
The reason I’m writing about this is because of the holidays. I’m the daughter of Lithuanian immigrants and we celebrate Lithuanian as well as American holidays. So we always get a double dose of celebrations throughout the year.
From my earliest memory, there was never a holiday dinner where someone did not get up from the table, possibly in tears or wounded silence, storm out of the room and slam the door loudly. Never. It was not always the same person, we would rotate.
We got offended easily, and the way we handled it only made it worse.
Even so, I challenge you to find a family that loves each other more than we do. If ever anyone said anything bad about any one of us, they were in trouble.
That’s how it used to be.
Gregor had made an overnight change, both at work and at home. The results were so powerful, it turned his world inside out.
It was during the Causative Communication workshop that Gregor came to realize he only “half listened to anyone”. His mind was always moving on to “what’s next”. He was mentally halfway out of this meeting and heading to the next one no matter where he was.
At the end of the 3rd day of the workshop, Gregor made a life-changing decision. He said, “I’m going to stay fully present in every conversation. I’m going to give 100% of my focus, really listen and really understand. No shortcuts.”
Senior executives spend their days listening to endless proposals and briefings. They sit through so MANY presentations, it TORTURES them to listen to presenters who don’t get right to the point.
I’m sure you watch YouTube videos. Have you ever watched one that took a long time to get to the point? You know that feeling you got? Did you ever fast-forward hoping they would get to something good? Did you ever skip out before the end?
Senior executives LIVE with that feeling.
It’s torture. There’s no other word for it.
I’m sure they would wish for a remote control that could fast-forward. And they would use it liberally.
This is how to stand out from this crowd in your executive presentations:
I love tomorrow’s holiday, a great tradition born on a chilly November night, exactly 400 years ago.
Dreamed into being in 1621 by a tough people after endless struggle through long periods of great hardship, tremendous hardship, more than we could ever imagine.
They sat down together as community, and enjoyed a moment of peace, for the simplest of purposes: to be grateful. Together.
Their hardships were not over. Far from over. This moment was no more than “a time out.”
It was a, “Let’s stop what we’re doing and create a night of goodness.”
It was also a perspective shift: “Let’s step back and admire what we’ve created amidst the swirling winds of adversity.”
Many executives who come to me for executive coaching come prepared with their word-for-word script.
What’s the problem with speaking from a script when you’re giving a presentation?
Well…what does a script say about your mindset? About your thoughts and feelings about yourself? Your feelings about the audience? About your true power?
Having a script sends out a lot of messaging about you that you might not want to be sending.
Then she would ask, “Are there any questions? Are we all on board?”
Crickets. Dead silence.
Lucy was a little relieved there were no objections. Then she would say, “Okay, moving on…” And go to the next item on the agenda. She was terrified that they would object to her plans, and she had no idea how to handle it if they did.
What Daniel ran into is what all human beings run into: the more you try to impress others, the more you move away from your true self. You get tangled up in knots. The more you do it, the less impressive you become.
People are not impressed by someone who is trying to impress them. It’s a road that leads to anxiety and defeat.
Matt, an executive I’m coaching, recently gave an all-hands presentation to the employees who report to him, an audience of 750. He received 100% 5-star reviews for his talk. Amazing.
When I congratulated him, he said, “Well, it was an easy audience.”
I couldn’t stop laughing.
I asked him, “Isn’t this the same audience that about six months ago was giving you a whole lot of 3’s and a bunch of 1’s and 2’s?”
He thought about it for a moment, and said, “Oh yeah! They were doing that, weren’t they?”
It was the same audience.
What this shows is it doesn’t matter what your starting point is. Whatever it is, you don’t have to be stuck there. You can develop your skills to the point where the audience gives you 5-star reviews.
What was the big difference in Matt’s presentations?
There were many. We covered a lot of ground during the six months of regular coaching. But let me talk about one of the most important things that happened during our work together:
Matt went from talking at his audience to talking to them.
You wouldn’t think that a couple of simple two-letter words would have such a profound impact, but they make all the difference when it comes to the foundation of your presentation ability.
At means in the direction of.
To means so as to arrive.
You don’t go at New York. You go to New York. It’s a destination, a point you reach. You ARRIVE.
You don’t look to a wall. You look at a wall. In the direction of. You don’t arrive there.
Big difference.
Most people are talking at their audiences. Their audience is a wall. They’re just talking in their direction.
These presenters don’t have their ideas or messages actually arrive. And they suffer the consequences.
What you’re doing in a presentation is getting an idea from your mind over to the minds of your audience. If you just project it in their direction, it will not arrive.
It takes deliberate awareness, intention and skill on your part to get it to arrive.
Matt’s message didn’t change. Matt’s audience didn’t change.
Matt started talking TO them. This woke them up and they got it. Matt’s ratings completely changed.
Developing this skill to the level that Matt did takes focused work best done in a coaching-type environment where you’re getting real feedback.
The good news is that you can take the first few steps on this journey all by yourself, starting right now.
Here’s how:
This week, notice when you’re talking at, and switch gears and talk to them. Get your idea to arrive.
See how this simple change makes you focus your attention and intention. See the extra power that it gives you.
Be the cause!
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